Not a Mistake

Been long since the last time I wrote anything about love, I've been avoiding it for quite sometime. But today, I have something to share.

What is the worst part of a relationship?
For me, it's always the ending.
No matter how hard you try to make a clear nice breakup, still there is no easy breakup. No matter how hard you pretend to be OK, you lose yourself control at some point. No matter how hard you try to remain friends, it will not be the same, at least for a while.
And the worst thing about the ending isn't the break up, it's when you lose him.
When you love somebody and make that person special, you give him some space in your life, often you give him a big space. So, when he walks away from your daily life, there will be a big hole left. That is the most hurtful moment, but maybe letting go is a part of loving.
As I once write, there is no unbutton love. Once you love somebody, you love him for a life time, but maybe the intensity can change. If you don't love him anymore, maybe actually you never really did.

At times I should face my most hurtful moment, I cried. Still I believe, that what had happened isn't a mistake.


This was written on October 2014, when I was facing a heart break. I kept it for a long time, not wanting to post it on emotional state because I was afraid of not being objective to evaluate it as an encouraging post. This is actually what I kept telling myself on my attempt to move on, that everything was not a mistake and I learned something from it. I hope you can also believe that your heart breaks, your exes, your past relationships are not mistakes, but the things God let to happen in your life in order to teach you something valuable.

Chronic Heartache

In medical, definition of chronic is a disease or condition that persistent for a long time, for some disease we determine a disease is chronic within three months. But, today I am not going to talk about anything medical.

Heartache, derived from heart and ache, is not a medical term, but more or less means an emotion of heart break, love sickness.

I use this term to define love sickness that persistent for a long time, and sadly I just realize that I probably suffer from chronic heartache.

Heartache is not always come from a lover, it may come from friends, siblings, or parents. Even actually, many of us suffer chronic heartache from parents, sibling, or friends the most. We may or may not know the seed of the chronic heartache, but the thing is we feel it. I feel it, and I knew the seed of my chronic heartache.

I am struggling with my heartache, I wanna be freed from it. Sadly, I had no idea how to accomplish it.

"I consciously know that they do not mean to hurt me, even they do it to show their love for me, but it is not the way I need to be loved. When I told them how I want to be loved, they ignore it. I think that was the hurtful moment, not what they did in the first place. I gave another temptation to tell them the same thing, they didn't take it seriously. So, I cried in frustration, a lot of times."

It is terrible, isn't it? Not yet, the worst thing is not knowing either to solve it or flee from it. Frustration is creeping in, tears start falling, then heart begin to close.

I am really sorry, but I can not tell you how to solve this situation, I'm trying too. One thing keeps me still standing and smiling, it is faith. I only rely on Him, believing someday He will make everything better not bitter. I do not stop praying, changes need time and I believe He is working on it. I have faith, because I know He loves me and wants the best for me. So if He did not take this away from me, He has a plan about me involving it! 

I believe He loves you too, so don't lose faith in Him :)