How To Complete Everyday

I'm on holiday now and get pretty much leisure time. Most of my time i spent to read new books, fiction, cooking, poems, etc. I also spent plenty time going outside and hanging out with friends and my sisters. Other things I usually do are looking at social media (try to catch up with the latest trends and issues, of course), listening to new songs (I kinda love Onerepublic's Something I Need and Clean Bandit's Rather Be right now) and old songs (I'm a big fan of Jazz! Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennet, Rod Stewart, Michael Bublé, I love them), also doing research in my campus and nearest hospital. Everyday I tried to spend my day with positive activities, and I still at the end of the day I felt something was missing. I was feeling rather empty. How it can be with a day full of activities?

At some point, I just tired with all those new songs, none sounded like good enough to be listened. And all that books? I felt they are useless and unimportant. So, I back to my all time favorite, newest Hillsong album that I've been listening almost everyday since February or March, and... my bible. I found that what Apostle Paul wrote approximately 2000 years ago is more interesting than Tatler newest restaurant review. Absolutely the Bible also contains something very important and everlasting. Hanging out with friend is always great, but I felt like I miss somebody else.

Deep inside, I knew what I was missing. I just simply miss Him.

These day, I only pray in the morning, before eating, and before sleeping. Rarely I pray something in between those times. I was too busy making myself busy to keep my mind busy from something that I better not think or remember. I miss Him and it made my day incomplete.

Have you ever feel like feeling empty even though you got a pretty good busy day? Sometimes I do, and for me the only thing that helps is praying. It does not just help, praying cures. If you ever feel so, talk to God, I believe He misses you too.

My Total Freedom

One day in December 2012, I drew a picture of a bird in a golden cage. The cage was beautiful, it was made of golden, but the bird couldn't fly and it didn't happy. I meant it for myself, thinking that I couldn't do everything because I didn't get the freedom I always dreaming of. Back to December 2012, it was true that I couldn't go anywhere and couldn't do anything I wanted. I thought those were the reasons of my unhappy feelings. I did complain about everything.

December 2013, I did everything I want, got anything I wish for, but I realize those were not the reasons of my happiness. I am not only happy, I am more than that. I am full of joy now. Where this all comes from? I cannot think of anybody but Him. I got my life saved by The Savior, it is the best reason to be happy. Moreover,He gives a right reason to life! It puts joy in my heart forever. I got a best friend and His name is Jesus. He always with me and never leaves me alone. That's enough to make me smile everyday.

Today, freedom for me is not going anywhere nor doing anything. Freedom is when my happiness is not depend on other people. Freedom is when i don't live for wrong reasons. Recently I found out that I cant feel any confusion anymore, in everything i see Him and He supplies me with never ending joy. There are tons of reason to be grateful and it all comes from Him.

Looking back, I don't wanna come back there, it was frightening. In my imagination it was a dark maze full of sticky green slime and lack of oxygen, but I couldn't see it before, or worse than that, I chose not to see. Thank You for opening my eyes. Thank You for setting me free. Thank You for never giving up on me.

I supposed to post this on December 2013 as a closing for 2013, too bad I was home and too busy meeting my hometownies :p
Anyway, happy new year! I believe that 2014 will be awesome because our God stays mighty as always. Have a blessed 2014!

People-Pleasing Behavior

Today I felt terribly bad, I was disappointed. Things became worse when I realized that I was disappointed with myself.

The consequence of doing something is being criticized. At first, I thought I was disappointed with people who didn't appreciate me much. Then, I questioned myself "do I need approval? Or do I need appreciation?" But actually, that is not the point. The point is I was disappointed with myself, because I cannot please everybody.

I always said the same things over and over again to others, "you cannot please everybody." But I was being reminded about the same thing today. I cannot please everybody, I cannot fulfill people's expectations. Even when I give my best, it is not enough and it will never be. It was frustrating to think about how to please everybody, because in fact it was rather impossible. Now, let me think twice if it is right to have a people-pleasing behavior.

The first question is "why I need to please everybody?" I couldnt find the answer, maybe...just because I dont need to! I am not capable of it, even I cannot always please people I love the most. The truth is we will always get disappointment from anybody, maybe from our friends, best friends, family, spouse, or ourselves. But it is in human nature to please somebody, at least that's what I feel. So, who I need to please? Who I choose to please? Some people may choose to please their parents, some other try to please their spouse, and there are any who want to please their community. But, who I need to please?
I was reminded by this way, that the only one I need to please is God. I had chosen to give this saved life to Him, although actually this life isnt mine anymore. Every morning I said the same things in my prayers, today I realized that I never really mean it before. Saying those is a habit. Now, I want to mean it, really mean it from my deepest heart.
I want to consciously choose to please Him as my one and only. Maybe my trials and efforts are not enough, He just wants me to leave it to Him.The moral road of trying harder and harder is not enough this way. This time, I leave it all to Him. I want to do what He wants me to do and to be.

2 Corinthians 12:9
"and He said to me, "My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." So then, I will boast most gladly about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may reside in me."

I believe when we please God and become who He wants us to be, we will not only please Him, He will make us a living grace for our communities. Do not make it the target, it is the side effect. Focus on Him and He will give it all to you. 

By posting these, I really hope you will think again about your people-pleasing behavior (just like what I did), especially if you feel intimidated by it. You may reach on different conclusion than this post, it may not be wrong. Please pray about it, He knows what is best for you.
Have a rest on Him and on your pillow, happy wednesday!