Not a Mistake

Been long since the last time I wrote anything about love, I've been avoiding it for quite sometime. But today, I have something to share.

What is the worst part of a relationship?
For me, it's always the ending.
No matter how hard you try to make a clear nice breakup, still there is no easy breakup. No matter how hard you pretend to be OK, you lose yourself control at some point. No matter how hard you try to remain friends, it will not be the same, at least for a while.
And the worst thing about the ending isn't the break up, it's when you lose him.
When you love somebody and make that person special, you give him some space in your life, often you give him a big space. So, when he walks away from your daily life, there will be a big hole left. That is the most hurtful moment, but maybe letting go is a part of loving.
As I once write, there is no unbutton love. Once you love somebody, you love him for a life time, but maybe the intensity can change. If you don't love him anymore, maybe actually you never really did.

At times I should face my most hurtful moment, I cried. Still I believe, that what had happened isn't a mistake.


This was written on October 2014, when I was facing a heart break. I kept it for a long time, not wanting to post it on emotional state because I was afraid of not being objective to evaluate it as an encouraging post. This is actually what I kept telling myself on my attempt to move on, that everything was not a mistake and I learned something from it. I hope you can also believe that your heart breaks, your exes, your past relationships are not mistakes, but the things God let to happen in your life in order to teach you something valuable.

Dora

Her nickname is Dora, from Theodora. She's kinda look alike Dora the explorer, but much smarter, prettier, wiser and lovelier. She has a mini body with a big heart and wide mind. She is a friend of mine.

Everybody has ego they want to feed, so did I. There were times when I was in a fight and i felt like being right was the only thing I wanted. I was the right side and I didn't I wanna say sorry. She/he should be the one to apologize, and if I was kind enough I will forgive her/him. I bet you once (or twice or even more) felt the same way! That's our big ego which will grow bigger and bigger if we keep feeding them. Do you know how troublesome big ego is? Troublesome for other, really troublesome for whom it belongs.

One day I was in a fight with my mom, she told me the truth that I need to hear, but I refused to hear it. She told that I was never nice, I got angry easily and others. They were not nice words to be heard, but a truth needed to be told. I hated to believe in those words, but I hated it because it was true. Deep inside my heart I knew that was true, but still I was a coward. I told my friend that story and she said that my mom was wrong, I knew she tried to comfort me, but I didn't feel that it was right for me to be comforted because I actually also agreed with what my mom said about me. That way I realised that I was a coward and needed someone to encourage me to swallow my pride, bear with the truth and say sorry. Then I told God in my prayer, "God, please give me a friend who will make me better in your way, the one who dare to say the truth no matter it is nice to my ear or not as long as it is needed to be told, the one who will strengthen me with Your words when I'm in trouble, the one who will lead me back to You when I'm lost. The one who love You so much so that she can be a good friend." God granted my prayer, He sent me some people who does so. One of them is Dora.

Now, every time I was angry over something or in a fight with someone, I call her first, because I know she will tell the truth and remind me the right thing to do. Most of the times, the right things to do were the least things I want to do. It was hard to swallow my pride and stop feeding my ego, but it did bring a better time.

We all do need a friend like Dora, someone who will make us better in His way, the one who dare to say the truth no matter it is nice to our ear or not as long as it is needed to be told, the one who will strengthen us with His words when we're in trouble, the one who will lead us back to Him when we're lost. The one who love Him so much so that she can be a good friend because His love enables her to do so.
Pray to Him for a friend like that, the one who will help us climb the mountain, not dragging us down.

Tonight I will pray to God and ask Him to send you a friend like my Dora, I hope God will grant my wish and your Dora will arrive soon in your life :)

Dear Dora, if you ever read this post, I want to tell you that I am really glad for your presence in my life. Stay humble and lovely, I thank God for sending you.