Lost in Love

Lost in love, sounds sweet huh? I'm telling you, that's not sweet, it was...... rather scary, even hazardous.

When you are in love with somebody, you like to listen about him/her. Everything he/she likes will seem interesting to you. Then, you will try to like it too. If she likes novel, you will start to read the books she recommends, maybe she likes pride and prejudice, or to kill a mocking bird, or whatever, you will try to know it if you are really in love. If he likes photography, then you will seek his favorite photography's blog, maybe chase jarvis, or ricko sandy, or whatever, you will try to google it, so at least you know what these guys are doing.
If both of you great, then both of you will continue your own hobbies, sometimes together, sometimes by yourself, but will never stop telling each other and listening to his/her next project stories. What if one of you is not that great? That one gonna lose identity, just like me now.
When I'm so in love, my new hobby is listening to his story, those things seem so interesting, his life and everything he did sound funny and somehow new. Meanwhile, what I was doing just telling him things I done in my past, when i loved novel, when i loved to write, when i loved to do creativity projects.
Girls are more susceptible to play this role. That's why we cry longer, or maybe lose appetite for a month, not knowing what to do, because all we used to do was listening to his stories.
I told him that I love books. Look at what I did, how many books i read for this one year I spent with him, besides medical books? Only one, what a pitty.
I'm not sure if I'm only in a phase of crazily falling in love and after months I will get bored and start to find another hobby besides listening to his daily stories. I know I was a faithful person, even if it is about my hobbies. I never stop loving to read books. I just forgot how it can be so interesting. When I'm with him, all I wanna do was spending time with him, I forgot to how a book can amazed me, and how papercranes' prewedding video can be so touching.
Lost your hobbies is horrible, but the worse part is losing your best friends.
This is a symptoms of unhealthy relationship, when one of you, or even both of you, start to lose contact with your best friends. I did. I think everyone once did once upon a time when they were so in love. You didn't enjoy the time you spent with your friends, maybe physically you were with your friends,  but you were secretly hoping you can meet him/her soon, or at least back to your room and text or skype him/her. In a project meeting all you wished for was that unimportant-silly-boring meeting can be ended soon. You just wished can be with him literally every seconds.
This is a secret, but let me tell you something. When you realize you don't even wanna have some me-time, or he is in on your me-time plan, you are lost in love. And this is dangerous.
The worst scenario is losing your identity. How to define losing identity in love? You begin to describe yourself as a person he/she always told you you are. That was not you, that was you in his/her mind.

So, after read this post, are you one of those lost-in-love people? I was.
Lost-in-love people used to have greater heart break, overly attached syndrome, and prolonged heart break. But don't worry, I can overcome it, so I believe you can do too!

Maybe you think, in a normal relationship, you better spend more time together. But I used to think like this before I lost in love (and I back to this theory now), if both of you meant to be together, you still have years ahead to be spent with him/her. Dont rush into things. I can say it because I was, but I wish I didn't.

Finally, all I can say is thanks for reading and I hope you are not going to lost in love!
Sorry for my bad grammar anyway :p

Tie a Knot

This morning I had a little chit-chat with my friends. We are girls, we like to talk about love. The topic appeared when I randomly asked them, "If God has to be the first of all, then why we should marry someone? I think when we are married, the first time we open our eyes we will think about him and our kids." One of the girls said that her older friends who are already married told her that when you marry someone, you will still feel empty, there will be miscommunications between two of you, and sometimes you feel like nobody understands you. So, my brain started to proceed so many questions.

The first question is, then why we, most of human race, chose to marry someone? We were born in a family, if it is comfortable enough, why should we leave? I think its human race's nature to love, we have to love and we need to love, a different kind of love that you give to your mom, dad, sisters, brothers and friends. So... that's not totally wrong to said that love is a part of tools for human race's continuity, love makes people making love instead of having sex.
I just realized that we don't need someone who can be a full-time lover, we need someone who can be a full-time best friend and flexible part-time lover. Being lovers all the time is tiring, we are trying to meet the expectations of our partner, maybe at that time we cant be the real us. We are human, we cant stop making mistakes, and we just cant be perfect, and so does our partner. That's why we need someone who can accept our flaws, and we need someone whom we can accept his/her flaws. Being best friend is about tolerating, forgiving, correcting each other, trusting, understanding, listening, and sharing moments, those are things we need in marriage. One of my friend told me, when you had spent so many years and moments with your hubby/wife, you will love him/her more as a sibling and best friend. Marriage is not always about romance, it is more about living your life with a former stranger that can take position as your parents, siblings and best friends at the same time. Yeah, romance gives sparkle to a relationship, but it is the desserts, not the main course.
So, should we marry our best friend? If only he/she can be your lover too. We need someone who can be friend, best friend, boy/girl-friend, 'partner in crime', professional partner, parents, siblings and hubby/wife at the same time. Its just 'The Magic of Life'.
Knowing the theories is much easier than practicing it. When we are falling in love, we tend to forget we cant be lovers all the time, being a sweet-caring-lover is a phase, but this too will pass. Once one of you back to normalcy, the other will begin to think his/her partner is changing now. No, they're just back to normalcy because being lovers all the time is tiring. If you can tolerate it, both of you can enter the the next step. If you're not strong enough to tolerate and conscious enough to realize, the fights and tears are coming in your way. But then you know, he/she is not the right one.
There are many couples out there feel sorry to marry their partner. Maybe when they are proposed, they were just flying too high in the air full of love and forget that they were just... too in love to see that far.

Please see it clearly. If you say that you really love him/her, can you accept his/her flaws? Can you imagine living a life with his/her bad side? Imagine about the worst cases, and think if you can live with that person. No one in this world want an unhappy marriage, so think further. True love loves with heart, mind, and logic thinking.

This all i can share. Sorry for my bad grammar and spelling, I'm trying my best.
Thanks for reading anyway :)

Home

What is home? For you who still live with mom and dad, maybe its just a place where you can sleep and take rest at the end of your days.
Then why we called home 'a home'? Maybe its because the person who invented the term 'home' had realized the meaning of home.
For me, a home is where my heart belong to. Home refers to person or people. In a simple way, home is the people I love and I wanna be with. Having a home makes my days brighter, because I know they wanna hear about my days, and I wanna hear about theirs too. Maybe telling the stories behind our day make it brighter and somehow we are waiting for another adventure day can give so we have something new to be shared with the people we love.
I start to believe that having a home is one of God greatest blessing. Home is a place where I can fully be myself. I thank God for having great parents who can accept me as I am. Yeah, we used to think that parents gonna accept us because they are parents. I don't see it that simple, but still don't really know why. Maybe its about loving and being loved.
So, when we find a stranger who can accept us as we are and patiently stay with us, i called it "The Magic of Life". When you find your significance other, don't ever take him/her for granted, don't take that 'Magic' for granted and think that you will easily find another person even for seconds, because we are not that great that everybody gonna accept us as we are. I'm telling you, yes you, the one who are reading this. I failed once to learn about the existence of  'The Magic of Life' and still have to failed once again to realize that I shouldn't take that 'Magic of Life' for granted. When that person left, I just realized that I had lost one of my home.
Warmth and security are the keys of home. For years, my family was all i need, until dad had to work in other city and all my sisters went to university. I hate to fight with my sisters, I need them as my home. I was hurt, when one of them said that her home isn't mom, dad, me and my two other sisters anymore, now its her husband. Yes, she is married. I just cant accept the fact that she has found a person to call home. I hate it, when the others don't really wanna go home. I hate to accept that they have another life without me as one of their important character in their daily stories.

So, now I realize, when I said I miss home its simply means I miss mom, dad, and my sisters in one home packaged with the warmth and security. But, people do changes. Now, all I can do is hold on to memories, moments when we were together. My sisters aren't always nice, but I miss them when they are not around.
Now I miss my house, because now home seems too good to be true. House, a place where I can live with all those memories and.... slowly die of loneliness. (Hahaha)
Maybe that's a part of growing up, learning how to deal with loneliness. I think everybody has to taste loneliness at least for once, so when somebody comes to our life, we will thank God for sending him/her.

Maybe there's time when no one can accept you as you are, maybe there's time when no one can accept your changes, and maybe there's time when no one seems can understand you. Believe me, you can go through it. Because I know some people who did and still do. God wont ever give us something more than what we can handle.

Communities you see everyday are full of people hiding behind mask, afraid of rejection, but are trying to interact with each other. That's why we feel weary, and need a home, a place (or even person) where we can leave all the mask and be the real us, telling our feelings without judgements. As I typing this post, I know I haven't be a good home yet. I'm dying trying to be.

After reading this, please give a hug to your home, person or people who can accept you as you are, who will always forgive you, and be there for you. Because you have to tell them that they are precious, needed and loved.

Once again, sorry for my bad grammar. I'm still trying my best.
Thanks for reading and don't forget to give a hug to your home. Say thanks to them/him/her for giving you a home!

Why Love to Love?

Do you realize that most of films, songs and novels are about love, love and love. Why love to love?
I used to think that was a non-sense thing. Our life is not always about love, there must be something more than it, isn't it? If it is, then why are we so concerned about love? What is so special about love?

Even when i was falling in love, those questions still have no answer. But the answer seems to come when I lost that feeling. Maybe, its because being loved makes us somebody. Maybe, being loved means being needed by someone. Maybe, being loved tells us how it felt when somebody thinks you are special.
If those maybes are true, then our mom and dad have made us somebody! Yeah, they make us somebody since we were born. But, it still do nott answer why all those songs, films and novels mostly are about couple's love, boys and girls. I'll give you another speculation, maybe being loved by stranger teaches us how to respect his/her feelings and even try to respond positively. Whatever we did and do, mom and dad will always forgive us, but that stranger, that stranger whom you don't wanna lose, can leave you.
Another perspective that crossed my mind is, when we are falling for someone, we have some goals, like wanna spend more time with that somebody, or even try to keep him/her forever by your side so that you can grow old together. If life is about reaching goals, then love must be the most challenging one since the  person we wanna conquer is out of our control. All we can do is do our best, but we still can accept nothing in return except being hurt, memories, and some lessons. This is also explained why the phase broken heart is often harder for some people. Some people get down when they fail to reach their goal, the other have better immunity to compromise failure. The damages also depend on the gradient of love, the better we love, the bigger the damage.
So, now we know that we know that the consequence of loving someone is being hurt. Why still dare to love? At some point, I start to think that love is made only for the continuity of human race, making sex is not only about lust. Then the fact that we can love somebody without having sex ruins it.
As a human in this crowded world, we are craving for acceptances and acknowledgement of our existences, and being loved gives us those things, acceptance and acknowledgement. Why we are falling in love? I choose to answer that we want to be loved, so that we love. Then why we cant love random people? Because we don't need world's acknowledgement, just some people we care about, like, and adore.
Here I am stuck with that, thats all I can share for now. I promise to explore more, but maybe I have to wait for another adventure. So, please pray for my immunity to rejection and failure!

Sorry for my bad grammar, I'm trying my best. Anyway, thanks for reading! :)

Why oh Why

Akhirnya, setelah menunda-nunda sekian lama, jungkir balik berpikir, sibuk menjadi plin-plan dan dikontrol oleh mood, saya merealisasikan blog ini! yey!

Mungkin waktu orang lain tau eksistensi blog ini, mereka akan berpikir, "memang siapa yang mau baca?" Jawabannya, saya juga tidak tau. I just made this only for my own satisfaction.

Semua orang pasti pernah berpikir, sebagian melakukannya kadang-kadang, sebagian melakukannya setiap saat, udah kayak napas. Sadar atau tidak, kita sering mencoba membuat persepsi dan teori tentang kehidupan yang kita jalani, too bad, susah sekali menemukan orang untuk sharing tentang hal-hal krusial-tapi-terdengar-tidak-penting kayak gitu. Karena memang kenyataannya tidak semua orang bisa mendengarkan, mengerti dan menerima apa yang kita pikirkan. Kita pun sering takut disangka aneh (and completely insane) waktu menceritakan pada seseorang tentang teori dan persepsi kita. Itu hal yang wajar dan sering banget terjadi, karena memang teori dan persepsi itu biasanya bersifat subjektif.

Dulu, saya pikir terlalu banyak populasi manusia di dunia ini yang malas berpikir. Kenyataannya, teori saya digulingkan dengan fakta bahwa sekarang saya berada di komunitas yang sebenarnya penuh dengan pemikir dan konseptor. Menyadari hal ini tidak mudah, karena orang-orang itu nggak dengan serta merta menjabarkan isi kepala mereka dengan gamblang, tapi teori dan persepsi itu tersirat dari pembicaraan dengan topik tertentu.

Mungkin, selama ini bukan cuma saya seorang yang berpikir seperti "kayaknya cuma saya yang pernah berpikir sampai segini rumit" atau "gua rasa nggak ada orang lain yang mikirin hal-hal begini" lalu memutuskan untuk menyimpan hal-hal itu sendirian, padahal hal-hal itu worth to be shared.

So, that's why I made this blog :)