Sisterhood: When We Start to Drift Apart

Sisterhood is like sweet treats for my life. It is always one of my favorite part of life.

My sisters and I, we fight like best friends and nurture like parents. One of the best parts of sisterhood is sharing secrets. We are girls, and somehow girls love sharing secrets. I think, girls use it as a form of trust. I remember the days when we had not had smartphones, skype, or even mobile phones, I was 10 years old that day. Corresponding was the only way to tell stories. Each week I wrote a letter to my oldest sister, told her story about my annoying friend, my teachers, my best friends, everything that seemed so important to me that she should know and everything I wanted to tell her. My oldest sister was my best-est friend.

When I was younger, my sisters are my best friends, not my mom. I barely told my mom about my friends or school life, I told her only the important things, like good grades or teacher's compliments. But, my oldest sister's best friend is mom. And later, one by one, so did my other sisters. I didn't understand why until I figured it out by my self. As we grew up, my sister and I have our own path way and become the person we should be. We are different now, and there were times when we found each other strangers. At that times, only mom who never rejects us, who can accept our changes even when our sisters have not accept it yet.

The differences that made us someone we should be, the differences in society and friends, interests, and campus life brought us drifted apart. We took times to understand each other, but mom done it faster than anybody. So, now mom is the center of our sisterhood cycle. Lately I realized, that we begin to shared less secrets. We share some, and keep some. Is this a part of having our own life? Soon I understand that when we get married, or get into relationship, we will keep some little secrets from sisterhood. But, we just cannot hide it from mom.

It is not that we trust our sisters less. It is just we realize that we haven't reached the point where we can sharing stories without giving judgements yet. We are not that wise at this age, so that we learn it from mom. Still I miss those days, when we were awake until midnight watching movies and telling stories.

Changes, we cannot avoid it, and we better not avoid it. It may seems somehow bad at first, but I believe those are parts of process leading into something better in life. The changes between us, I want to believe it is for something better. I do not trust them less, I even love them more. Eventually, I believe that trust which earned in silence is more precious than gold.

Hey readers, are you having the same condition with me? Take my words, you may seemed drifted apart, but sisterhood never dies, even strengthen in that time. :)

People: Our Mirror

People say that the one we know the least is our self, I agree with it!

I can define my sisters well, can describe my parents until the little detail, can list what kind of human-being my friends are, but strangely I cannot find the right words to define my self.
Maybe you think you can describe yourself, I thought I can. Actually, my description of my self was not the real me, it was someone I wanna be. And sometimes, I adopt people's definition of me. Me, my self and I cannot really have a word to define the real me.

Imagine your self now, your face, your body, what you wear. I bet your imagination of yourself was not your self after cleaning the house, it must be your self in the mirror or photograph before you go to parties, using the best dress and make up. Most of the time, we don't wanna remember how we look after cleaning the house or gardening or doing something sweaty because it doesn't look good. Well, we do the same about our description of our self. We think about the best qualities in us.  Unconsciously, we used to deny the bad side of us, or at least make it sounds a little better with putting reasons.

We will not know our self until we look at the mirror. People is our mirror, what they said about us is a reflection of what we did. We are what we did, not what we think. We can think about the very best thing, being an idealist, but what we did is what matter the most. People is not mind reader, society just can define you by what you do assuming it is the result of your thoughts. In fact, what we do without thinking is the real us. Meanwhile, what we do after thinking is who we wanna be or someone we think we should be.

People is our mirror, but not all mirror is accurate. Some mirror make us look skinnier, or fatter. To know yourself, you have to know which mirror is accurate. Neither choose the ones who show only your best, you will a proud arrogant person, nor choose the ones who show only your bad, it will bring you down. Choose the one who accurate. I think the accurate one is someone who always be with us all the time, see our bad also our best, a part of your growing up process, and know us inside outside, the real us, someone we wanna be, and someone we should be. 

For me, it is my mom, dad, sisters, old friends of mine, and my current society for I am away from home. They are who affected by what I did, I listen to them, because I want to be someone better for everyone and also myself. That's the point why we have to have a good family, choose good friends and society. Yes, we cannot choose our family, but we do choose our friends and society we involve into. It is the reason why a broken home person is easier to be tolerated than someone who get broken by his society and friends.

After all, choose the right mirror that can reflect you precisely. After seeing your self, you can accept the truth, and change what you don't like. It wont happen in a week, or a months. It takes time and processes, be patient, be faithful, keep going on processes, and someday you will find your self incredibly amazing. :)

Me Being A Doctor Is (Not) A Mistake

When I was in High School, I loved daydreaming about dreams. I spent a lot of time imagining myself as a magazine editor, or journalist, or researcher, or fashion designer, or violinist, or children’s book illustrator, and sometimes as wedding organizer. Crazy, young and free, those are the definition for my dreams. Unsafe, unpredictable, unprofitable (except for the lucky!) are also descriptions for my dreams. I knew it long ago. I have a lot of dream, but one thing that I found weird. I always determined my self to be a doctor whatever dreams I have.

I spent 6 years of High School to pursue unofficial title of  ‘Biology Master’. I won biology competitions, not so many, but the numbers and prestige are enough to get that unofficial title. Besides, I also built a career (if I can call it so) in Journalistic. I love to write, to accumulate information, to publish something that can inspire people. 

When my dreams and dream job are not matching, when someone I want to be and someone I expected to be are not matching, those are problems, BIG problems. I remember when I cried on the last December of my High School years. I cried because I was accepted in medical school, but deep inside I did not really sure to take it. I still have other dreams, I could be anything I want, wedding organizer, Magazine Editor, Journalist, even still have a chance to work in National Geographic! My parents said I could be anything I want, but it was I who was too frighten to take the risks. Besides, I always said confidently since a long time ago that I will be a doctor someday, wear that white clothes, do morning visit, prescribe medicine, and drive midnight for emergency calls. I always determined myself to be a doctor, but at that time I thought I lost the reason why I want to be a doctor. So, I made other reasons to convince myself, “because being a doctor is a safe choice”,” I still can do research”, “I still can write stories”, “I will make so much money then travel the world and write about the journey”, “draw illustrations can be done in between”, and the others. Eventually, those reasons are not enough for me when I stuck in my last months of my freshmen year.  I thought, I lost all my motivations.

In fact, I didn't, I just forgot about them, the basic reason. The reason is not to help people, not to have a promising career, not to seek any popularity, but TO INSPIRE people to have A BETTER LIFE then make THE WORLD to be A BETTER PLACE. I was such a damn fucking idealist who used to had an idea of an ideal life and world in my head. Contaminating with glamorous life, popularity, racism, materialism, agnosticism, I turned to be so selfish, arrogant, and ambitious for something which are actually nothing. I did not get anything except emptiness, but still craving for more, thinking that I just have not had enough. Thanks God, just one night before the skill test (so called OSCE), God reminded me the reason. At that night, I got my spirit up and learned for the test carefully. My target is not the best score, but do the best for my future patients. Enough for being wild, young, free, and cool in the world’s perspective. I’m done with it, I don't get anything but emptiness. Let me back to against what society calls cool, I just want to be good and right in His eyes for He is the only one who cannot be wrong. 

Thank You, for not giving me so much courage to take the risks of not being a doctor. Yes, I spent at least half year cursing my choice to be a doctor, but now I know I wont regret it later. I will drive midnight for emergency calls, will spend most of my time in hospital, will talk to patient much often than to my family, will go sleepless for the needy, will have no Sundays and holidays, but I will be a doctor and will LOVE TO BE.

Back to the days when I was innocent, I didn't dream to work in big cities and well known Hospitals. I always wanted to work for WHO, be a doctor in wars, teach the low economic class how to keep their body and mental healthy. You know, writing is an easier way to motivate and inspire people. But still, actions talk louder and much simpler. If I only write, how can I inspire people with poverty who do not have  access for education, do not have enough money to buy the book, and do not have enough interest to read? No, me being a doctor is not a mistake. Doctor is what I should be and what I will be. Heaven got a plan for me and I’m in, all in.

I’ve kept this post in my head for a month for not knowing how to write it properly. Thanks to Dewi Lestari and her novel ‘Perahu Kertas’, it is so inspiring! For, readers I do not inspire you to be a doctor but to remind you to go on your dreams and keep motivated. Work hard, it will pay off later!