Dora

Her nickname is Dora, from Theodora. She's kinda look alike Dora the explorer, but much smarter, prettier, wiser and lovelier. She has a mini body with a big heart and wide mind. She is a friend of mine.

Everybody has ego they want to feed, so did I. There were times when I was in a fight and i felt like being right was the only thing I wanted. I was the right side and I didn't I wanna say sorry. She/he should be the one to apologize, and if I was kind enough I will forgive her/him. I bet you once (or twice or even more) felt the same way! That's our big ego which will grow bigger and bigger if we keep feeding them. Do you know how troublesome big ego is? Troublesome for other, really troublesome for whom it belongs.

One day I was in a fight with my mom, she told me the truth that I need to hear, but I refused to hear it. She told that I was never nice, I got angry easily and others. They were not nice words to be heard, but a truth needed to be told. I hated to believe in those words, but I hated it because it was true. Deep inside my heart I knew that was true, but still I was a coward. I told my friend that story and she said that my mom was wrong, I knew she tried to comfort me, but I didn't feel that it was right for me to be comforted because I actually also agreed with what my mom said about me. That way I realised that I was a coward and needed someone to encourage me to swallow my pride, bear with the truth and say sorry. Then I told God in my prayer, "God, please give me a friend who will make me better in your way, the one who dare to say the truth no matter it is nice to my ear or not as long as it is needed to be told, the one who will strengthen me with Your words when I'm in trouble, the one who will lead me back to You when I'm lost. The one who love You so much so that she can be a good friend." God granted my prayer, He sent me some people who does so. One of them is Dora.

Now, every time I was angry over something or in a fight with someone, I call her first, because I know she will tell the truth and remind me the right thing to do. Most of the times, the right things to do were the least things I want to do. It was hard to swallow my pride and stop feeding my ego, but it did bring a better time.

We all do need a friend like Dora, someone who will make us better in His way, the one who dare to say the truth no matter it is nice to our ear or not as long as it is needed to be told, the one who will strengthen us with His words when we're in trouble, the one who will lead us back to Him when we're lost. The one who love Him so much so that she can be a good friend because His love enables her to do so.
Pray to Him for a friend like that, the one who will help us climb the mountain, not dragging us down.

Tonight I will pray to God and ask Him to send you a friend like my Dora, I hope God will grant my wish and your Dora will arrive soon in your life :)

Dear Dora, if you ever read this post, I want to tell you that I am really glad for your presence in my life. Stay humble and lovely, I thank God for sending you.

Between Demand and Request

I think we all know the difference between demand and request, they have a big difference. Recently, I know the difference is even bigger when it comes about apology.

The definition of demand is ‘a forceful statement in which you say that something must be done or given to you', meanwhile request is ‘the act of asking for something’.

When it comes about apology, do you DEMAND or REQUEST for forgiveness? Let this question be a reflection for each of us.

There was a day when somebody hurt me, I was mad, even more than mad, I was disappointed. He did say sorry, but it was hard for me to forgive him. I remained silent for some other days, but then when we met, he said “why do you still angry at me? I have said sorry.”  Then he grumbled some more. 

At that point, I realize that most of us demand forgiveness. He demands something he doesn't deserve, but he thinks it is his right to be forgiven. Maybe it is in our mindset that if we apologize, we must be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift for a gentle request, but most of us forget it. Forgiveness is something we don't deserve, but given by mercy. For that reason, we should cherish every forgiveness given to us.

We often do the same thing to God, we pray for something, but then when we don't get it, anger creeps into our heart. It was a demand, not a request. We demand God to forgive us, we demand God to bless us, we demand God to do something for us. We have no right for heaven or for blessings, but God gives it anyway. When we ask for something but don't get it, we should not be furious for it is not our right, but be grateful when He gives it for it is a gift. That’s why anybody who gets His forgiveness should be thankful, because He is being generous. He gives us something we don't deserve. 

So, ask for forgiveness, and cherish it when it is given to you. Close your eyes and say "thank you God for your forgiveness although I don't deserve it" from your deepest heart.

Chronic Heartache

In medical, definition of chronic is a disease or condition that persistent for a long time, for some disease we determine a disease is chronic within three months. But, today I am not going to talk about anything medical.

Heartache, derived from heart and ache, is not a medical term, but more or less means an emotion of heart break, love sickness.

I use this term to define love sickness that persistent for a long time, and sadly I just realize that I probably suffer from chronic heartache.

Heartache is not always come from a lover, it may come from friends, siblings, or parents. Even actually, many of us suffer chronic heartache from parents, sibling, or friends the most. We may or may not know the seed of the chronic heartache, but the thing is we feel it. I feel it, and I knew the seed of my chronic heartache.

I am struggling with my heartache, I wanna be freed from it. Sadly, I had no idea how to accomplish it.

"I consciously know that they do not mean to hurt me, even they do it to show their love for me, but it is not the way I need to be loved. When I told them how I want to be loved, they ignore it. I think that was the hurtful moment, not what they did in the first place. I gave another temptation to tell them the same thing, they didn't take it seriously. So, I cried in frustration, a lot of times."

It is terrible, isn't it? Not yet, the worst thing is not knowing either to solve it or flee from it. Frustration is creeping in, tears start falling, then heart begin to close.

I am really sorry, but I can not tell you how to solve this situation, I'm trying too. One thing keeps me still standing and smiling, it is faith. I only rely on Him, believing someday He will make everything better not bitter. I do not stop praying, changes need time and I believe He is working on it. I have faith, because I know He loves me and wants the best for me. So if He did not take this away from me, He has a plan about me involving it! 

I believe He loves you too, so don't lose faith in Him :)