What Love Is

I've been wondering for days, maybe weeks... or years. What is marriage actually? I used to think, it is finding someone you ever imagine as a live person, then chose him/her as your partner. Yes, we like him/her because what we think he/she has. Maybe you think she loves reading, dancing and watching movies, yeah, maybe she is, but maybe she is not, maybe it is just your imagination. But, after all, you chose to love her, consciously or not.
If someone ask you "why you love him/her?" You will find yourself giving a list of what you like from her/him. Then... How about things you don't like from him/her? What if she don't like to cook, but you love a girl who can make dim sum for you? Usually, we tolerate it, or deceiving ourselves by thinking someday she will learn to make dim sum for us.
Just approve it, when you are gonna marry someone, your only hope is that she/he will not change the habit you like, but will change the habit you don't like. Like, you hope she will always love cooking, dancing and singing, but you wish she will stop forget washing dishes or singing Justin Bieber's songs. Doesn't it true?

There are so many couple out there wishing they are not marrying their partner now. Thinking, "why did I want to marry this crazy silly selfish bastard?" Because when you said 'I do', you just love the good side, and wish all the bad side will vanish someday.

Love is selfish. Now, I agree with it. I said I love him, but actually it just the feeling when he made me happy, but I hate him so much when he didn't meet my expectation. Did you? Or, do you?

When two people get married, they think they don't chose to love, love choses them. But, I found that love is a choice. Marriage is a decision to love someone forever even if he/she change into someone you think you never know, even if she/he change, even if her/his changes are bad or good. It is a decision not to give up on him/her without limit of time, and a promise to be with him/her with all her good and bad side, good and bad times. Marriage should be fulfilled with 'agape' and 'phileo' too, not only 'eros'.

So, to love is a choice, to marry is a decision. Then, logically if we read the previous paragraph, we will think that we can marry random person. Yes, actually we can.
But, some people are easier to be loved, they tend to be called 'loveable'. But to love some other people, we need extra works, extra heartache, extra toleration.
We, human race, have a natural instinct to pick the easier way. That's why we chose a person who is easy to be loved as our partner. Have you ever meet someone who is loved by so many guys or girls? Because they are loveable. You don't need to put so much effort to love her/him.

We all want to be loved, but too stubborn to acknowledge that we are not that loveable, and too arrogant to change our self. We think we hate our self, because we are not loveable, but the way we hate our self, is the way we love our self too. We hate our self for our arrogance, stubbornness, laziness, and everything else, because we know those are bad, and we want our self to change! But we are just too shame to admit that we have a bad personality and have to change. Then we will make excuses for our self to give an exception why we do that, so we don't need to change.
So, first of all, deal with yourself, don't be shame to acknowledge you bad attitudes, then deal with your pride, don't be arrogance and stubborn to change your bad attitudes. Stop making excuses to defend yourself.

Love needs requirements, and everyone has their own requirements to love someone. For an example; for me, it is easier to love someone who can understand my perception of life, has the same faith, strongly hold onto his principles, but realize when to change his bad attitudes. But for my sister it will be easier to love someone who can conquer her, loves japanese music and watching star wars too. See? Everyone has their own requirement, but some people have requirements that are easier to be fulfilled, and some other are just too hard to be fulfilled.
People with easier requirements are easier to love and to be loved. Meanwhile, people with harder requirements are harder to love and to be loved, usually society calls them 'picky'.

Don't forget about check-list system too! If we have 10 requirements, we will make 'minimum border'. Maybe 7 from 10 for me, but maybe 5 from 10 for her, maybe 9 from 10 for him. Everyone has their own minimum border.

Did you ever realize, that requirements and minimum border limit our choices to love someone? That's why we cant love or even like everyone. Because we need them to meet our expectation first so that we can love them. But, do all of them give a damn? The answer is no.

For some cases, people will decrease their requirements and minimum border. For my case, I know I don't need to decrease my requirements and minimum border, but I have to change to be more loveable. Stubborn is when your significance other give up on you but you still don't want to change to be more loveable, by changing your attitude or decreasing you minimum border.

So, marriage at the end, will be the love we found in our parents, love without requirements and limit or so called  'agape'.
Now, I conclude that marriage is a decision to love without requirements and limits.

Maybe, you guys look at your mom and think "how can dad want to marry someone like her?", or maybe you think your dad is sorry to marry her, or maybe your dad once told you not to marry someone like your mom. No, not because your dad doesn't love your mom anymore, but he knows how hard to love someone like her, a difficult person to be loved, and as a parent, he wishes you an easier life than him. That's why he told you to seek someone easier to be loved.

Don't misunderstand that love without requirements and limits don't even wanna change him/her. When you love someone, you constantly wish the best for him/her. It is right when you try to tell her/him to change his/her bad habit or attitude. It is due to your hope that she/he can be a better person. Telling someone his/her bad habit so that they can realize it then change it, is a way of loving.

But at the end, the only thing that constant in life is changes. She is gonna change someday, you too gonna change somehow. The only thing that kept your love constant for her/him is 'to love without requirement'.

I'm still learning it too. I learn to be more loveable, so first of all, me, my self, and I can love myself better. I learn to love without requirements, maybe not for boyfriend for now (you know, if we have choices, we have to chose the easier person to be loved *wink!* ), but to love mom, dad, my sisters, my big family, and my friends without requirements.

Start from today, this minute, this second. Maybe its too late to save a relationship, but never too late to learn this kind of love for a new one.

Sorry for my bad grammar and boring words. It is due to my lack of vocabulary. I promise myself to learn more ;)

Anyway, thanks for reading!